On behalf of that, I hope that all of my blog readers have been doing well and have not felt that I've forgotten about you. I want to make it my priority to connect with my blog readers whether I know you or not, I feel that it's important to recognize those who support you because those people that are here with me right now in the very beginning stages of my writing career, will be the people that will be with me until the end. With that being said, my hope is that on my blog I won't just talk about my life, but I'll ask questions that'll help me to get to know you guys as well!
Today I wanted to give you guys an update on my writing journey and the reason I felt I needed a break. Let's begin!
It was just before the beginning of summer and I was so excited about writing about my summer adventures and life happenings. After I posted my recent blog, I immediately started working on my next posts for the summer and so on. But once my most recent blog was posted for about a week, I noticed the small amount of viewers. I looked at my statistics everyday and i began to feel really disappointed. I thought to myself "I put so much work into my blog and all I get is 6 people that care to view it?" I would see other bloggers or social media stars with thousands of views of either a video or a instagram post and I really would sit there and wonder "why?" these people are posting about meaningless things in my opinion, they're fun and entertaining but who will it encourage at the end of the day? Don't get me wrong, it's great to have fun in life and talk about fun things. My goal isn't to be so serious on my blog all the time but I would want it to at least leave you feeling positive in some way. Yet, the most popular videos or social media posts are probably of people talking about stupid and sometimes inappropriate things.
After I was through with my frustration with social media, I began to feel like it's pointless for me to invest so much time and energy for only 5 people to read. How will I ever have a career like this? The same story that i've been trying to write has been left unattended with the same 3 pages filled, my blog has a handful of people that read my hours of hard work blogs. That was when I said, 'I don't know if this is really my calling" I know people have writer's block and everything but I feel like I have those moments very too often. So, after continuous negative talk, I decided that I needed a break. I felt that all of my writing projects seemed unfuliling. I had even began to have thoughts about quitting writing altogether. I felt that it would be ok to quit since I don't have any books published or something that I've written that was really memorable. I would get feedback about my writing but not a lot of feedback. But from then on, I did not pick up a pen and paper and my keyboard since.
What I Learned During My Break
I learned to pace myself. A lot of the time why my writing didn't feel good to me is because I rushed myself and sometimes put way too much pressure on myself. Though writing is a job for me, I began to suck the joy and passion that I have for writing; it became more like a competition than anything. I found myself trying to follow up with what the latest bloggers or social mediest (I totally just made that up) are doing. I didn't feel like my writing skills were natural like they once were. I always said that whatever I write I want it to feel like me and that if my writing ever stopped feeling like me that I would either quit or take a break.
During my break, I also learned to not beat myself up about every little mistake that I make as a writer. We hear it all the times that you learn from your mistakes and that I certainly did and am still learning to this day. I know that my mistakes will shapen me as a writer and as a person. I even thought that it was a good idea for me to write about my mistakes, to add them in my bio or a memoir one day. I also know that I will never be perfect, I can't continue to strive for perfection because that'll never happen. I'll always feel like i'm not getting there as long as my focus is to be perfect.
I learned to just be myself. I learned to love who I am and not feel like I have to compete with everyone else. I learned to just freely express myself through writing, after all, that's what made me fall in love with writing in the first place. I learned to not focus so much on the amount of people that see it, I'm focusing on the person that I'm becoming through it. Whether it's 1 peron or 1,000 my hope is that they'll know the real me and know my story. Also, I hope that they feel something from it as well. I hope after reading each and every one of my blogs that they'll feel happy, inspired, encouraged and even find a bit of laughter by reading my blogs.
During my break, I didn't necessarily learn this but, I realized that I needed to put continuous effort and commitment to my writing. I feel that I go in spurts with my writing. I get on this wriing high and then once I'm off of it that's it for awhile. So, whatever I'm writing, whether it's one word or three paragraphs, I need to write something daily.
Recently I shared on instagram about my writing hiatus and how I felt down a lot and a bit lonelier and a bit more insecure. I sometimes really didn't have good days. I would just get so frustrated with my life that I just needed to immediately take a run somewhere. Thankfully, I attacked my emotions before they could attack me much worse. Partly I knew that it was satan really having his way with me and partly I knew it was myself also. Allowing myself to go down that path once again that I said I wouldn't go on. God allowed me to go through a little bit of pain so that I can resist control and give all the control to him. I love this part in a song titled "Thy Will" in the song it says, "Sometimes I gotta stop and remember that you're God and I am not." I can't do God's job, but time after time I failed to see that. He knows everything much better than I do, I needed to trust in him wholeheartedly that he was going to fulfil every promise he ever made.
After reading some devotionals about success and dreams, I finally made my decision to comeback to writing. I couldn't figure out what was missing in my life but God revealed it to me, i needed to start writing again. God knew that writing was one of the ways that I was able to release my emotions and frustrations. I also know that my writing may be able to help someone else someday. Writing is an excellent way that I can use my voice.
And the journey continues...
I feel like taking this break was definitely necessary. Though it was only a short break, I knew that I needed it to allow myself to grow in many ways. I needed to recharge, go deeper with God, free my mind, and rest. I know i'm still going to have some days where I get frustrated with my writing and feeling like i'm not getting anywhere but, in those moments, I pray that I would listen to what God has to say and not my emotions. This feels like the next phase to my writing journey. I pray to be able to do whatever I can to help further my career as a writer. I know there's a lot more that I can do. I pray that I can meet authors that would be willing to give me great advice, attend writing conferences, and continue with my classes. I have gotten a creative writing journal that is filled with exercises and at least that way, it's easier for me to write regularly by having tasks.
I actually enjoy the challenges sometimes that comes with being a writer. I feel like the more frustrated I get the better I write. I sometimes am not great at writing what people like but, I hope people would understand the concept of my blog and that it isn't meant to be like a magazine where you'll constantly be entertained; but it's a blog that would motivate you and to leave a positive impact on your life. I am always open to any suggestions though, because a little help or word of advice goes a long way.
Through every bumbs and hurdles, I feel a little bit more courage and confidence as far as how I will handle the next situation and how I'll let the next situation handle me. I'm praying that the next time I write a blog about my writing that it would be about an opportunity that opened up, or another challenge that I overcame or just the new things that I'm learning as a writer. I don't when, where or how the right opportunity will come but I'm going to leave it in God's hands regardless. Upon reading this devotional about God's will, this particular part really struck out to me, "I don't know what decisions you are looking to make today, but I've learned that we don't always need a big sign from Heaven to go ahead with our plans. Yes, pray about it. Do your research, and seek wise counsel. These will help discern whether the path you're about to embark on is God pleasing-- and if it is, can I encourage you to pack your bags, and just go for it?"
YES! Kamera, this is confirmation. I'm ready to go for it God.
Well, this was a really great comeback post because it was one of the first ones where I was able to get really raw. I love how a tough time turned into a time of rejoicing, how my writing began to feel so natural again and how I was able to display every feeling and thoughts during one of the most difficult times of my life. God reminded me that it's ok to admit when you're struggling because he understands and he's there to hold my hand.
Thank you to everyone for sticking around with me. Thanks for reading. THANK YOU FOR EVERTHING!
Much luv, kammy
